Some Bonds Can't Be Broken
by darkmoom
Summary: Haruhi can't see or touch him unless she's dreaming. She can't hear his voice, except for the faint whispers in her mind. Most would think she's crazy, but she knows he's here. TamaxHar and HaruhxTwins.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi, people! I'm back! I just read this great book called "I Heart You," you haunted me and I wanted to make the Host Club version of it, so yeah. If you read it then cool. (It's the exact same thing but with a new name and new lines.) Well, hope you guys like it.**

* * *

><p><strong>Some Bonds Can't Be Broken<strong>

I've never been to a funeral until today. I see dazzling arrangements of red, yellow, and purple flowers with long, green stems. I see a stained-glass window with a white dove; a yellow sun; a blue sky. I see a gold cross standing tall, shiny, brilliant. And I see black… black dresses, pants, shoes, bibles. Everything – black. Black was my favorite color, but now I hate that color. I remember Tamaki asking me about my favorite color once.

"Haruhi, why don't you like pink, blue, or yellow?"

"I love black – it suits me," I'd said.

"Yeah, but I suit you better," Tamaki had said.

And then he'd kissed me. I'm not sure if I would like or see the color black again. And then, beyond the flowers, beneath the stained-glass window, beside the cross, I could see a white casket, and I also see red, burning love disappearing forever. My dad reaches over and pulls my hand from my mouth, where I chew on the little flap of skin along the side of my thumb, since I have no long nails left to chew on. An ugly habit of mine I'd promised Tamaki I would break. I wonder… do you have to keep a promise to your dead boyfriend?

My dad still holds my hand in his as the music starts to play. Then Tamaki's smiling face appears on the screen as we all hear Eric Clapton's haunting song, Tears in Heaven. It was not long before tears in heaven make their way to my eyes, so just for a minute, I close them, thinking to myself this can't be true. It was just like yesterday – I'd been in his car by his side as the music played. I kicked off my shoes, and put my bare feet on the dashboard and put my hand into his.

"Never leave me, okay?"

"Okay," he'd said to me.

Then he'd squeezed my hand, like we were sealing a deal. My gaze returns to the beautiful boy on the screen while my thumb returns to my mouth, picking at it again. He broke his promise, so does that mean I can break mine? The minister's strong voice rings though my ears as he speaks.

"It is hard when a young life is tragically cut short, but we must celebrate the life that was Tamaki's. Look around, friends and family who loved Tamaki Suoh, ever so you will keep the memory of him alive and forever in our hearts."

His words made me feel as if I was all alone, and there was no one to go to for help. But even so, there's one memory that floods my mind every five minutes. It reminds me over, over, and over again why the one I love… was gone. Memories might keep him alive, but they might kill me. After the service was over, people got in line to tell his family "I'm sorry," "He was so young," and "Let me know if there is anything I can do to help." I'm one of the first people in line because I just want to get it over with. His mom is there and I try to say "I'm sorry" like I'm supposed to, but the words won't come out of my mouth like they're supposed to. She looks at me, and I feel her eyes piercing my heart, making it hurt even more.

She probably blames me like I blame myself. I can't blame her for that. She tries to smile. Then she asks politely with no feeling, because she has to say something, "Are you okay, Haruhi?"

I nod, but inside, my heart is screaming, crying, kicking, stomping. It was throwing a tantrum, like a little two-year-old, because I am definitely not at all okay. She hugs me, a quick hug, a fake hug. An "I'm-only-hugging-you-because-I-don't-know-what-el se-to-do" hug. Next, I hug the people Tamaki loved the most: his grandma, then his dad. I tell myself to be strong and not to cry. I sob into Tamaki's dad's black jacket.

"Shhhhhhhhhh… You're going to get through this," he whispers in my ear.

Just like Tamaki's dad, to think about me and not himself.

After that, I stand alone and wait for my dad so we can just get out of here. There is no line of people coming up to me saying "I'm sorry," or "He was so young," or "Let me know if there is anything I can do to help." It feels like everyone is looking at me. What are they thinking? Do I even want to know what they're thinking? And then, like an unexpected rain shower on a day that's so dry you can't breathe, there was Hunny squeezing me tight and Mori holding my hand and Hikaru and Kaoru rubbing my back. In that moment, I realize a circle of love is ten times better than a procession of "sorries."

Another procession, but this time in the line of cars driving to the cemetery. Dad just kept his eyes on the road. Then he called one of his friends. I think he was in a business trip to Paris or something like that. I hear dad say, "Beautiful service… She's hanging in there… Wish you could be here with Haruhi and me right now… Wanna talk to Haruhi? I think she would love to hear from you…"

I look at dad as fast as I can and shake my head and wave my hand to tell him no. There's nothing to say that he hasn't said alr_e_ady.

"I guess she's tired right now…"

I make myself drift back to a happier time when Tamaki was still alive. I had just come to our school, in the fall, from a different town. He was the popular boy with the prettiest purple eyes… he looked young for a junior. The six of us – Hunny, Hikaru, Kaoru, Mori-senpai, Kyouya, and I – talked about him at lunch, eating tuna, my favorite food.

"Maybe he got contacts to make his eyes purple," Hikaru had said.

Kyouya gave him a look. "Well now, isn't that terrible?"

"Maybe he thinks purple eyes are sexy," Hikaru said.

"On him," I'd said, "it is."

* * *

><p><strong>So, what do u guys think? I really hope u guys liked it! It took me 2 hours to write. So yeah, tell me what u think and yeah, love u guys! See u when the next chapter is posted up. Love ya all! :)<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys, I'm back! So I hope you guys liked the first chapter. And yeah so here is the next chapter. And don't forget to review!**

* * *

><p>When you meet someone so different from yourself, in a good way, you don't even have to kiss to have fireworks go off. It's like fireworks in your heart all the time. I always wondered… do opposites really attract? Now I know for sure they do.<p>

I'd grown up going to the library as often as most people go to the grocery store. Tamaki never really read about exciting people and places like Paris. I always wanted to go there. Tamaki said that one day we'd go, but I guess that won't happen now… He went out and found them, or created excitement himself if there wasn't any to be found. The things I like are simple. Burning CDs around themes – like songs to get your groove on, and tunes to fix a broken heart; watching movies; reading books; and studying. It's like I was a garden salad with a light vinaigrette, and Tamaki was a platter of seafood Cajun pasta. Together, we were fantastic.

Ashes. To ashes.

Dust. To dust.

I think this is the part where I am supposed to say good-bye. Is that what everyone's thinking? Good-bye, Tamaki, I will love you forever? Rest in peace? That's not what I'm thinking. Right now, I'm thinking that I really, really hate good-byes.

"Let us pray," the minister says.

Dear God, What can I do?

He didn't deserve this.

Can't we bring him back?

Isn't there anything that will bring him back?

Please?

Amen.

I look around. If tears could bring him back, he would be here right now. Dad takes my hand and leads me back to the car. All I can think about is how Tamaki… my boyfriend, will soon be underground. He will be lying there alone in the dirt. Dad asks me if I want to go to the Montgomery house where people will gather to eat, talk, and remember.

"I can't believe people feel like eating and talking. That is the last thing I want to do."

"Life goes on, honey," Dad says.

As we pull away, my eyes stay glued on the casket. It's proof that, sometimes, life does not go on.

_Haruhi + Tamaki = true love 4ever. I heart Tamaki. T loves H; H loves T _– scribbles I made on my French notebook. I study the words on the purple notebook, like how I used to study Tamaki's face when we kissed.

When we got home, Dad suggested I write down my feelings. Basically, like a journal, but I can't stop staring at those scribbles, thinking about how they used to be true. But I guess not anymore.

Now it's just me – Haruhi. No more Tamaki. No more "true love 4ever." I turn the tear-splattered cover. I put the pen to the page, and after that, all I could write was _Tamaki, Tamaki, Tamaki._ I started swimming about the time I traded my bottle for a sippy-cup. By that time, mom was still alive. She took me to a "Baby and ME" class at the pool. She said I was a natural in the water. She wondered if she'd actually given birth to a mermaid.

By the time in high school came around, mom had passed away, but I kept on swimming. I was even on a competitive swimming team. Tamaki and the others came to see me swim many times. That's where it all started.

"I dare you to jump off the high dive," the twins said.

I'd just looked at them.

"Come on, do it."

"You guys know I'm afraid of heights!"

"Exactly. That's why we're daring you."

I looked at my friends, then at Tamaki. I couldn't disappoint them. I climbed the ladder, making sure I didn't look down. I inched my way to the edge of the board, then crossed my fingers, closed my eyes, said a prayer, and jumped.

My stomach flew to my throat as the air rushed around me, and threw me, until I hit the cold water.

"I did it!" I yelled as I climbed out of the pool. The twins and Hunny ran up to me and cheered as Mori-senpai just smiled at me. Kyouya was writing something down in his notebook, but with a smile on his face. And Tamaki brought me a towel and simply said, "That's my girl."

This summer, I could have made money at my Dad's friend's house. I could have sat by the pool, in my suit, pretending to watch the kids, to guard lives, while I thought about Tamaki. But accidents happen that way. And my life doesn't need any more accidents. So today, I quit my job.

Dad asks me, "What are you going to do all summer?"

I just shrug.

* * *

><p><strong>So what do you guys think of this chapter? I know it's sad right now, but it will get more exciting when the story goes on and yeah. Sooo don't forget to review and yeah. See you guys when I post my next chapter.<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys, sorry it took me so long to post chapter 2. I saved the file on Word, then when I went to upload it, it just disappeared so I had to rewrite the whole chapter again and yeah. Sooo now on with the story. :)**

* * *

><p>Ren, my ex-boyfriend, my boyfriend before Tamaki and I had ever meant, calls me.<p>

"Haruhi?"

"Yeah?"

"I've been thinking about you… Are you okay?"

"Ren, that's a fucking ridiculous question."

"Is there anything I can do to help you?"

"Nope. Not a thing. Good-bye, Ren."

After that, I hang up as fast as I can…

Crap, why did I do that to him? He was just trying to be nice. I'm such a bitch. Is being a bitch one of the five stages of grief?

I went to the park where Tamaki and I used to go. I was sitting on the swing, thinking about how Tamaki and I used to sit and swing together. The stars are duller than an old pocketknife. They used to sparkle like five-carat diamonds. I always wonder, is heaven up in the stars? Beyond the stars? Can Tamaki see them, like I see them? Is he wishing like I am…?

"Star light, star bright," Tamaki had said the first time we'd sat here together.

"Make my wish come true tonight," I said.

"That's not how it goes."

"Why drag it out?" I asked.

He laughed. "So, what's your wish?"

"That time would stop, so we could stay like this forever."

"Tough wish," he said. "Let's see… I'm hungry. How about a cheeseburger?"

"Wow, that's really romantic," I told him.

He just laughed. "Change your wish to a chocolate shake and we're set."

After that, we'd gone to In 'N Out Burger. He got his wish, but I didn't get mine.

Sleep doesn't come. Night after night, I thrash around like a fish caught in a net trying to escape. And I cry for what I've done and who I've lost.

It's been four days since the funeral, Dad shows me the phone messages he's taken for me. I really do not feel like talking to anyone ever again. Tamaki's dad called. Hikaru and Kaoru called. Ren called, again. I ball them up and throw them away.

"You're tired," Dad says.

He calls the doctor. He prescribes Ambien.

"That's good," Dad says. "Sleep will help."

Will anything really help me?

When I wake up, I remember. Dad brings me a sandwich and some juice. I get up to pee, and sneak another pill.

"I need to sleep a little more," I tell Dad.

He did not argue with me. Because sleep helps. The phone rings. It rings and rings. I finally drag my butt out of bed and answer it.

"Haruhi?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want to do something?" Hunny asks. "Maybe go to the pool?"

"Not really."

"Wanna do something else?"

"Not really."

"Can Mori and I come over?"

"I guess."

"You need anything?" But before I can answer, he says, "Never mind. Stupid question."

Stupid but sweet. I'm putting on makeup. I'll be like a clown and no one will see the real face behind the mask. I don't want Hunny or Mori-senpai to see the sad me, the depressed me, the shamed me… As I stand in the bathroom, carefully lining my eyelids with bronze, I feel a splash of cool air. I shiver. I feel something. Something behind me. Something familiar. Hauntingly familiar. I glance behind me, but I don't see anything… or anyone. And then, when I look in the mirror again, I see, for a split second, not just me, but someone else…

Tamaki?

* * *

><p><strong>So what do you guys think so far? Review and tell me what u think of the story so far and yeah. So until next chapter, later guys! Love ya all! :)<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey, guys. I forgot I even did this story, so now I decided to continue on with it, so yeah… On to the next chapter. ^_^**

* * *

><p>I hear Hunny and Mori knocking, so I turn and run. As I run out of my room to the front door, I'm thinking there must be such a thing as too much sleep. That wasn't really him… it couldn't have been him. Could it? When I open the door, Hunny gives me a big hug, while Mori just smiles. And I realize how much I have missed my friends. We go to the living room and sit at the table.<p>

"Thanks for coming," I say.

Hunny looks at his watch. "You hungry?"

"I could eat, I guess." I get up and open the pantry door. I don't even know if it's time for breakfast, lunch, or dinner.

"What time is it?"

"Eleven o'clock," Mori says.

I stand there, staring at the boxes of crackers and cereal, trying to focus on food and not on what I just saw in the mirror. The cool air surrounds me once again. I get goose bumps. I feel him standing right next to me… it's like he is hungry, too, looking for something to eat.

"Did you feel that?" I ask.

"What?" Hunny and Mori both reply.

"Nothing," I say as I shake my head.

They will both think I'm going crazy. Maybe Hunny was right. Then there's the slightest hint of something brushing against my cheek… but it was not a touch – it was less than a touch. A whisper? No, a feeling. Just a feeling. Or maybe… just my imagination.

I shiver again. Am I going crazy?

"I think you need to get out," says Hunny.

"Let's go to the mall for some yummy food court food, and maybe visit Hikaru and Kaoru if you want."

I shrug. "I guess."

This is good. I'm a normal girl going to the mall with her friends… not crazy. Not a girl who's beginning to think she's being haunted by her _dead_ boyfriend.

Hunny, Mori, and I go outside to get into the limo. I was going to work so I could buy a car when I came back from Boston. Oh well. All the things that used to be so important aren't important anymore.

"We haven't been to the mall together in a long time," Hunny says.

"Yeah. The last time I was here, Tamaki bought me –"

I stop. I look out the window. There's an old man with and old woman, sitting on a bench, waiting for the bus. He's looking at a newspaper. She's looking at him, saying something. He looks at her and smiles and she smiles back. The scene is so simple, so lovely… so perfect.

"It's okay to talk about him," Mori says.

"I know."

"What did he buy you?"

I don't want to say, but he asked.

"That black-and-pink bikini. To wear to the 'school's out' party."

Mori and Hunny nod… they remember. If they had known it would bring up that tragic day, he wouldn't have asked. Mori's cell rings. I guess sometimes it's not okay to talk about him. As Mori kept on talking on the phone, I saw Hunny pick rabbit with the bow tie I made for it – it was red with white polka dots on it. The summer, when I first came to Boston, was mostly rainy, so I began to sew and knit almost every day. Then, when Hunny came to visit us, he would always watch and talk to me when I was making stuff. Soon enough, he kind of got into it too. We loved sitting there talking and making stuff for each other.

"You still have that bow tie I made for your rabbit," I say, thinking how it's so amazing that he still has it even after all this time.

"I love it. Where's the one I made for you?"

"I lost it when I moved back."

"I'll make you another one," he says.

"We can buy some materials at the mall."

I smile. That's Hunny for you; the one who will do anything to cheer someone up. Thank God for Hunny-senpai. I shop, but I don't buy. I eat, but I don't taste. Hunny talks to me, but I don't listen. My mind's drifting, thinking about Tamaki. Wondering if I'll feel that cool air, feel that brush against my cheek, feel Tamaki again, when I get home.

It couldn't have been him… that's being ridiculous. Still, it's not long before I want to go home and find out for sure. I lean my head back on the car seat as we drive home. With my eyes closed, I search for a memory that will make me smile. And then, I remember the day that my life changed forever. The day I met Tamaki and the Host Club. The empty hallways around Music Room 3, with the big windows, and the exotic paintings. It was a nice, sunny day… the best kind of days that I liked. When I opened the door, there he was, along with the others. With the roses flying around me, and him watching my every move, or so he told me later. Him and the Host Club making me laugh and cry with them.

I watch the limo drive away from my apartment. I wave and smile like everything's fine, while inside I'm freaking out because I don't know if he's waiting for me on the other side of that door.

* * *

><p><strong>Hope you guys like this chapter until next update~ -Moon ^_^<strong>


End file.
